What We Have Here is a Failure to Communicate

Action Coach is a national executive and business coaching service. The company certainly looks successful – 1,000 offices in 26 countries, over $200 million in annual revenues.

Considering their size and success, you’d think that the ActionCOACH website would do a fantastic job of communicating their story out to the world. Not so much, as it turns out.

So what’s the problem? The problem is that the ActionCOACH website suggests that ActionCOACH doesn’t use language or written communications as well as it could or should.

In a thousand different ways, ActionCOACH depends deeply on language, on words, to convince potential franchisees, and other potential stakeholders to buy in. You could make the argument that the ActionCOACH core business is really very simple: it’s communication.

They communicate (often complex) ideas, knowledge and information to customers and prospects. How well they communicate will likely have some impact on how well their clients might perform.

This makes sense, right? The better they communicate, the better those on the receiving end can be expected to do.

So if ActionCOACH wants to improve their bottom line, and help their customers achieve their goals, then they really ought to consider improving their communications.

Here’s the home page headline.

7 Reasons Why Thousands of Business Owners Know You Need An ActionCOACH Business Coach or Executive Coach…

I think I have a glimmer of an understanding of what this headline is supposed to mean. I think they mean to say something like this: 7 Reasons Why Thousands of Business Owners Chose ActionCOACH And Why You Should Too. It still is a major clunker, plus, as I scan this headline, I can’t locate a benefit anywhere, nor any kind of emotional trigger. Can you?

Now let’s consider that ellipsis…I think it’s there because the writer thought that it would “pull” the reader along through the rest of the copy. But three dots at the end of your sentence suggests you’re reluctant to make a hard and fast statement. It’s not a clear, solid, boots on the ground kind of statement. It’s open ended and mushy. I’d lose that in a heartbeat.

Now, let’s take a look at the opening paragraph – this is the most important piece of real estate on the site.

1. Business Coaches and Executive Coaches Can Show You How to Get More Returns with Less Work

You’re working too many hours and pretty sure that if you left for a vacation or holiday, things wouldn’t operate anywhere near as effectively as they do now … put another way, you’re ready to work a whole lot less … Whatever you call it, small business coaching, executive coaching or just plain old business mentoring, ActionCOACH is the worlds #1 business coaching firm and executive coaching firm. In fact, in 1993 Brad Sugars and ActionCOACH started the business coaching industry and now with more than 1000+ offices in 26 countries, ActionCOACH has literally turned the old business consulting model into business coaching and executive coaching, a far more powerful, profitable and more affordable way for you as a business owner or as an executive to get the help and mentoring to grow your company..

This is the opening paragraph! I’m hoping Brad Sugars, the founder and CEO of ActionCOACH, didn’t pay a lot of money for this copy. The last sentence of that paragraph has, are you ready for this? 67 words. One sentence.

Pretty sure? Whatever you call it? Anywhere near as effectively? Things wouldn’t operate anywhere?

I’m sorry, but there are so many “things” wrong here, it would take me all weekend to unpack them and I don’t have that much time.

Part of what is going on here is a keyword stuffing exercise for seo purposes. There are 11 references to “business coaching” or “executive coaching” starting with the headline and in the first paragraph. But the rest of it is just sloppy, poorly crafted writing. What a shame.

From Brad Sugars’ bio page: “Perhaps due in part to his naivity at a relatively young age…” I think the word here is supposed to be “naivete.”

From: Why You Need an Action Coach

Every great performer, whether an elite athlete, business legend or performing superstar, is surrounded by coaches and advisors.

And, as the world of business moves faster and gets more competitive… it is difficult to keep up with both the changes in your industry and, the innovations in sales, marketing and management strategies as well. Having a Business Coach is no longer a luxury, it is a necessity.

On top of all this, it’s difficult to get a truly objective answer from yourself. A Business Coach is like a consultant, with years of successful experience that can provide valuable insight, help you develop long-term and short term goals and strategies, as well as improve your business in areas that you might have overlooked. (40 word sentence.) Don’t get me wrong, you can survive in business without the help of a Coach, but it’s almost impossible to thrive…

Again, with the ellipsis. But only two this time! Yay! On contractions: make a decision. Either use, “it is” or “it’s” but choose one and stick with it, don’t use both.

“Years of successful experience CANNOT provide valuable insight”

Get me rewrite! “A Business Coach is like a consultant, who, with years of successful business experience, is able to provide valuable insight…” Still awkward.

“…it’s difficult to get a truly objective answer from yourself.” Lord have mercy.

I recently met some folks from ActionCOACH. They were really very nice people and are doing some really good and useful work. Also, a good friend of mine in Canada, worked closely with an Action Coach and was thrilled with her coach and her experience.

So clearly, they have something important to offer their prospects and clients. But like all of us, there’s room for improvement.

Mr. Sugars, I can be reached at 503.621.2215 in the U.S. Look forward to chatting with you.